I have struggled with depression and self injury my entire life. It started as a young teenager, when I realized that cutting myself made me feel less anxious about pretty much everything. When I was finally diagnosed with depression at the age of 15, medication helped with the extreme emotions, but it made me feel completely apathetic to everything. The cutting got worse on medications. I had an abusive boyfriend who put me down and made me feel like garbage. When he dumped me, I cut up my entire arm. After that day, December 4, 2003, I decided I would stop. The first three months of not cutting were really hard, but I didn't slip.
I have never gotten over the struggle with cutting. When I'm going through stressful or depressed times, I have to keep myself in check. I can't be alone around razors or pocket knives. It's actually harder for me to not cut than it is to not smoke.
I have self-inflicted scars all over my body to remind me that my past is real. Self injury is real, and well-adjusted people struggle with it. Please visit TWLOHA for more information.
Thank you so much for sharing your struggle! I used to cut as well and sometimes when I am stressed I remember the way it felt and how everything would melt away, but I have been cut-free for quite awhile now. I had one arm in particular that I used to cut and ended up getting tattoo on that wrist. When I look at my cupcake I see something cute and it helps keep me in check.
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