Body Positivity

I have a belly, butt, and thighs that jiggle when I run. My hair is curly, but not always evenly so. My boobs are too small for my frame. My nose is quite large. I'm not thin by any stretch of the imagination. 

But I don't really care anymore. I build muscle easily on my thighs and butt. When my hair curls, it looks awesome, otherwise I wear it straight. I have a nose ring that accentuates my perfect large nose. And my boobs, well, short of surgery, I can't do anything about it.

I used to focus on on all of the things I "couldn't" wear or do because of my size or body type. Over the past four years, I've slowly gotten to the point that I really don't care. I want to wear things that look good on me, but I'm a bit more adventurous. I only wear make up and jewelry on special occasions. 

I used to think in order to be happy, I would have to be thin. No negotiations. Just thin. In 2008, I ate 1200 calories a day of chicken breast and vegetables, and worked out 3-5 times a week, some with a trainer. I got down to my lowest adult weight, but I was still not thin. I was doing everything "right" and I still wasn't thin. I was so frustrated and unhappy with everything and very easily fell back into old patterns.

By 2010, I was back up to my highest weight ever, eating Taco Bell at least three times a week and tired all of the time from working two jobs. I was so depressed and not taking care of myself at all. I was smoking a half a pack of cigarettes per day and hardly walked more than to and from my car. 

Today, I eat a mostly plant based diet with lots of delicious and healthy foods. I do a mix of running, cross training, lifting, yoga, and group fitness classes 3-5 times a week. I'm currently logging my calories and macros to make sure that I eat enough. 

My body can do some pretty amazing things. I can pull up 125 lbs of my body weight. I can use the squat machine with 150 lbs for 3 sets of 12 reps. I can run/walk 6 miles (and more if I trained). I can hold yoga poses I never thought I would try. I love dance fitness. 

But I'm still not thin. And I'm okay with that.

I do have goals. It would be nice to lose 50 lbs, but I still wouldn't be thin. So I focus on fitness goals. I want to run at 35 minute 5k. I want to gain more flexibility. I want to start heavy lifting. If the weight comes off, fantastic. If not, I'm healthier than before.